


we'd hear the bells of safety chime

by Zvarrklingreputation



Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: Character Study, Fix-It, Gen, Missing Scene, Not Beta Read, World Without Milo - Freeform, i hope i succeeded!, i tried to humanize elliot without making excuses for him or downplaying his dickishness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:42:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27201970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zvarrklingreputation/pseuds/Zvarrklingreputation
Summary: “I’m saying that Milo is a menace, and the world would be a better place without him!” The words had barely left his lips before Elliot knew he had dug himself into a hole. At the moment, however, he couldn’t have given less of a shit.(or, World Without Milo: the Director's Cut. Elliot grapples with the ins and outs of apologies, making an ass of himself in front of middle schoolers multiple times, and a mother's love. Among other things, of course).
Relationships: Elliot Decker & Milo Murphy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	we'd hear the bells of safety chime

**Author's Note:**

> hi, i really hope you like my fic! elliot is my favorite character, and i think that there isn't enough fic of him where he isn't either a background character or a vehicle to write milo angst (not that there's anything wrong with milo angst, but it's all i see when i go into his tag). still, he's a douchecanoe, and i feel like if i don't tackle that i won't be writing genuine elliot fic. this is my attempt at a compromise. hope you enjoy!

“I’m saying that Milo is a menace, and the world would be a better place without him!” The words had barely left his lips before Elliot knew he had dug himself into a hole. At the moment, however, he couldn’t have given less of a shit. His week had been awful. He’d had to call Principal Milder about spilled peas on Monday ( _peas! Of all the things it had to be peas!),_ a hyena had stolen his stop sign on Tuesday, bats ravished him yesterday, and now today a blimp had almost suffocated the kids (his kids, he might add, since he was on duty). And when he tried to help, tried to actually be competent for once in his pathetic godforsaken life, everyone ignored him and acted like Milo was a hero even though he caused the damn thing. And hey, Elliot had a right to be angry because he was running on 5 hours of sleep, and he skipped breakfast, and he had an order of Strawberry Waffle Supremes due that evening, and the dog walking money wasn’t nearly enough, and his online boyfriend had broken up with him just a week prior, and nothing was going right. Nothing. So if the world was going to give him nothing, then he didn’t owe it anything either. It was Milo’s fault that everything was going to hell! Murphy’s Law had affected him too, and did Milo ever apologize? No! He just sat there with that dopey grin, acting like he didn’t know that he caused suffering wherever he went— no, Elliot wouldn’t apologize, not in a million years.

All those thoughts flashed through his mind while Milo’s friends gasped. And then he heard a familiar voice. “Oh snap!” His sister. Jesus Christ. Of course Delilah had to be there. _She’s probably texting Mom right now,_ Elliot thought. _It’s going to be a whole thing._ Whatever. He didn’t care. If everyone was going to see him as a bad guy, then he’d give them bad guy. Put Murphy in space.

~

“Hi Delilah!” Serena said as she walked in the door after a long day on the bus route. “Haven’t seen you since I dropped you off at the bus stop 15 minutes ago.”

Delilah snorted. “That joke never gets old.”

“Where’s Elliot?” Serena asked.

Elliot didn’t budge from his bed. He knew he was indicting himself of being in a bad mood by not greeting his mother at the door but he knew he couldn’t act well enough to convince her nothing was wrong, so he might as well lay there and sulk.

“He’s in his room being a hormonal teenager. You’d think that would wear off by the time he became an adult, but nope, at nineteen and three-quarters he’s still—“

“I can hear you, you know!” Elliot yelled. He still wouldn’t get up and come out. He refused.

“Hon, do you want to come downstairs and talk?” asked Serena.

“No thanks,” Elliot replied.

“He said the world would be a better place without Milo Murphy. Just wanted to let you know. Milo’s the one that’s got him in such a bad mood. Again.”

Serena sighed. “Can’t say I’m too surprised. I’ll talk to him later. Try not to antagonize him in the meantime.”

“Whatever,” Delilah said, and Elliot stopped listening. He rolled over and closed his eyes, hoping to nap his bad mood off.

His dreams were fraught. Elliot was in an elementary school classroom trying to rearrange desks. A taller man who looked familiar but Elliot couldn’t recognize was taunting him, saying he couldn’t keep the class safe. Elliot insisted that he could, that he knew every guideline on a hazard-free school environment in the book, but more and more classmates kept telling him that he was too bad at what he did, not safe enough. Elliot got angry enough to punch a classmate in the face, but they dissolved upon impact and suddenly Elliot was on trial for murder. His lawyer was Milo Murphy’s red-haired friend (was her name Melissa?), but she said “Sorry, but maybe if you were nicer to Milo you wouldn’t be here, now would you?”. Milo said he was sorry but it was time for Elliot to be incinerated and pushed him into a pit of lava. Elliot could feel the heat licking at his body as he woke up.

Elliot groaned and cleaned off his glasses. He hated when he forgot to take them off before taking a nap. He could easily break them in his sleep, and broken glass in a bed was so much of a hazard that all things considered he was lucky he came out of that nap unscathed. He pulled out his phone to check the time. _6:45 pm,_ he thought. _I missed dinner so I can’t cook for the family, but I’m sure they managed. Besides, that gives me just enough time to finish the Strawberry Waffle Supremes before delivery time at 7:30._

He made his way to the kitchen and turned on the lights. To his surprise, Serena was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal. “Good evening, sleeping beauty. Making yourself something good for dinner?” she asked.

“Actually, I’ve got an order of Strawberry Waffle Supremes to make for delivery at 5521 Druid Drive. So that comes first.” Elliot prepared his ingredients and a medium-sized bowl on the kitchen island.

“That’s good to hear. Remember to take care of yourself,” Serena replied.

“I know.”

“Physically and emotionally.”

“I know.” Elliot began mixing butter, sugar, and eggs.

“Which could include talking to your caring and surprisingly beautiful mother about what went wrong today.”

Elliot sighed. “You’re just going to turn it into a lecture about how I should know better.”

“Elliot, do you really think I’d turn you talking about your feelings into a lecture? Or have you read too many Cromedome posts about how moms act from teenagers with unhealthy relationships with their parents?” Serena asked gently.

“I guess you’re right.” Elliot launched into a detailed report of what had happened that day, starting with the blimp and ending with the insults to Milo.

“I see. And how did Milo take it?” Serena asked, furrowing her brow in thought.

“He didn’t do anything. He stopped smiling, but he didn’t look sad. He just walked away like nothing had happened. His friends said I was being a di- (“ _Fuck! I can’t say ‘dick’ to my mom!”)_ a jerk to him, though.”

“Milo may not have been hurt, or he may have hidden his hurt because nobody wants to get upset in front of a crowd of people. Either way, lack of retaliation doesn’t make what you say right,” Serena told Elliot. “How are you feeling about what you did?”

“Not great,” Elliot replied. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Milo Murphy is a menace. And completely unsafe. Gah!” Elliot’s mixing spoon fell out of his grip and into the batter. “See? Even talking about him makes bad things happen! And yet...” Elliot retrieved the spoon from the batter and went back to stirring. “And yet I shouldn’t have told him the world would be a better place without him to his face. Thinking it? Totally fine. Telling him? Oh man. Not a good move.”

“I’m sure you know what to do next if you want to make things right. I’m no expert on human relationships, but I do know that apologies with changed actions are the best way to deal with guilt. You have to really mean it, though, otherwise they don’t work.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Elliot groaned, pouring batter into the waffle iron. “Maybe if I see him tomorrow.”

“That’s the Elliot I know and love! I believe in you.” Serena walked over to Elliot and stood on her tiptoes to kiss Elliot on the cheek. “Have fun with your Strawberry Waffle Supremes. I’ll be in my room if you need me.” She walked out of the kitchen, leaving Elliot alone with his thoughts and a waffle iron.

~

Elliot biked up to 5521 Druid Drive, waffles in tow. He didn’t bother to take off his helmet or knee and elbow pads off after he parked his bike, since he planned for a quick delivery. It didn’t take long for a slender woman with a red bob to open the door. “Here’s your Strawberry Waffles Supreme, ma’am; they’re fresh out of the iron and are sure to delight,” said Elliot, handing her the box of waffles.

“Thank you so much. That’s $8.50, right? And then your tip...” As the woman fished through her wallet for change, Elliot glanced inside the house. He inhaled sharply. There, sitting at the breakfast nook doing homework, was Milo Murphy himself. He didn’t seem emotionally wounded; in fact, he was cheerfully humming a Lumberzacks song (Elliot believed it was “Wooden You Be My Girl”, if his knowledge from Delilah’s Lumberzacks phase a few months ago was anything to go by). Elliot was struck in that moment by Milo’s humanity. It had never occurred to him that Milo might do homework, or live in a house, or have a mother that bought him waffles. He knew it logically, of course, but to see proof in front of him was something completely off-putting. He didn’t like it.

_I wonder if I should apologize to him now,_ Elliot thought. _I’m not sure I’m actually sorry, but I’m at his house, for Christ’s sake. What better chance will I get?_ But instead he stood there as Milo’s mother handed him his change.

~

Elliot had a dream that he was JD from _Heathers_ , and Winona Ryder was begging him not to blow up the school. Elliot was left wondering how he had gotten himself into this situation in the first place; he had to be at his crossing guard post before the last middle school bell rang. He realized that if he was JD, that meant he was Christian Slater, and he didn’t want to be Christian Slater because the life of a washed-up C-list actor wasn’t for him. He tried to will himself away from the bomb, run to the sidewalk, and take his trusty stop sign into his hands, but he couldn’t move. Winona Ryder kept talking.

~

Elliot groaned as he woke up, not because of how early it was (though that was part of it), but because he had to confront Milo that day and own up to his mistakes and apologize. _I’m going to have to eat crow in front of a thirteen-year-old. This fucking sucks._ He tapped the poster on his wall (“Safe!”) as a good luck measure before heading to his closet to get dressed. Existential dread plagued him as he pulled on his shirt, exhausted by the prospect of what he had to do that day. What disaster would be thrown at him today? What rude remarks would the middle schoolers have in store for him? Who could say?

~

But of course, there were no half-hearted apologies to be had, because there was no Milo to be found. “Yes! Let safety reign!” Elliot cried, perched unsafely on top of the Jefferson County Middle School sign. There was silence.

“Get off the sign, dumbass,” yelled an eighth grade boy.

“Don’t call my brother a dumbass, asshole,” Delilah sniped back, despite having sent a text to Elliot that said “get off the sign dumbass” the second he climbed up.

Elliot looked around at the crowd of middle schoolers who had gathered to stare at him. He grinned sheepishly and hopped off the sign, twisting his ankle in the process. _Even without Murphy’s Law here to fuck things up, I’m still getting. hurt. Huh._ There was no time to stop and think about this revelation, however because he noticed a truck spinning out of control on the road, about to hit civilians. This was what he was waiting for! An opportunity to save people. “Okay, everybody! Just stand back and—“

“It’s okay, I’ve got it!” replied the driver, maneuvering his truck back on track.

“Huh. I guess I’ll just wait for the next emergency.” Elliot stood in silence, waiting patiently for a disaster that would never come.

_~_

There were other parts of the day, of course. He couldn’t forget the time he had spent with the little black-haired boy re-enacting a Murphy’s Law disaster that had happened last school year (back then, he was too paralyzed by fear as the marbles swarmed the streets and pedestrians slipped and fell. A girl had smashed her head against the curb and all Elliot could do was stand and watch. It was after that incident that he elected to go through crisis training). He owed himself some credit for not losing his mind as much as he could have when squirrels talked to him and Milo balloons were around every corner. He may have screamed and ran for his life, but at least he didn’t have a full-fledged panic attack.

Then, of course, there was the alleged time travelers. The skinny old man didn’t make much of an impression on him, but the other one was something else. He may have been about forty, but that didn’t stop Elliot from thinking, with only minor guilt pangs when he remembered that he had been dumped a week ago, about what it would feel like to kiss him. _And more, if I’m being honest with myself, but I don’t want to unpack that. He’s a stranger, after all. And probably double my age. I shouldn’t be thinking about this._ Elliot knew this attraction was only physical at most, and that he’d soon forget about him like he forgot handsome strangers on public transport, but that hardly mattered.

The details of the day were beginning to sound too outlandish to be true, and Elliot realized that he was lying in his bed. Of course! “It was all a dream! Giant Milo balloons, a talking squirrel, time-travels, I ran into a lamp post — wait, why am I wearing my clothes?”

“Well, honey, I’m not sure about all that other stuff, but you certainly did run into a lamp post,” Serena said cheerfully, holding a tray with flowers and a piece of toast. 

“Well, then how did I get inside?” Elliot asked, thoroughly confused.

“Oh, I brought you in. You’re so big now, I had to use a furniture dolly.”

“Wait a minute! Does that mean…” Elliot stood up and got out of bed (it was a lot easier than he had expected, what with running into a lamp post and all) before running outside to see his sign, which had MILO written across the back, good as new.

“Ah! It says Milo!” Elliot lowered his sign and saw Milo Murphy himself standing in front of his house. It didn’t matter to Elliot that the last time he and Milo had spoken was when he had told him that he didn’t want him to exist. In that moment, all he wanted to do was scoop Milo up into the biggest hug of his life.

“Um, good to see you, Elliot,” Milo said, taken aback by Elliot’s display of affection.

“Milo, I don’t ever want to not see you anymore! Ever again!” Elliot cried, forgetting all about the shame he had felt that morning at the concept of humbling himself in front of Milo. That didn’t matter anymore. None of it mattered. All that was important was that Milo was alive and real, Murphy’s Law and all.

“Uh, thanks, Elliot. That’s the nicest sentence anyone’s ever messed up for me,” Milo replied.

“Yeah, thanks, Elliot.”

“Thanks, Elliot!”

“Thanks, Elliot!”

Elliot groaned. There were now no less than five Murphy boys scattered across the yard.

“Don’t worry, we’re on it!” cried the handsome time-traveler man from his time car. And then, a ripple, and the five Milos became a single Milo again. Elliot shook his head and regained calmness.

“Milo, I have something important to say to you. I’ve been practicing it in my head since yesterday, and it used to not be sincere, but now that I’ve seen what a world without you is like, I truly mean it.”

“Okay, go for it!” Milo smiled.

Elliot looked Milo dead in the eyes, which was hard for him to do because direct eye contact was difficult for him. He took a deep breath and said, “Milo, I’m sorry for what I said to you yesterday. The world would not be a better place without you. Your life has inherent worth because you are human.”

“Thanks, Elliot. It really means a lot to me. But for the record, I was never really sad or mad at you in the first place!” Milo didn’t stop smiling.

“Huh?”

“I know you say hurtful things to me because you’re insecure. I know that I’m not really a menace or a terror. Maybe a jinx, but certainly not a scourge upon Danville or whatever it was you said on Tuesday. It might hurt my feelings a little, but I can never be too offended because, and I don’t mean to be rude when I say this, you are the most pathetic fluffing man I have ever met and your opinion of me means nothing to me.”

“Ouch,” Elliot said.

“Yeah. But I still want to be your friend, because I know you need one because everyone seems to hate you. And I think beneath all that blustering there’s a good man who wants to save people and make a difference. It’s like Delilah always says, you’re just doing your job.”

“I guess so. So we’re, like… good?”

“We’re good.” Milo hadn’t stopped smiling since the conversation had started. “Well, see you around! I’m probably going to walk to school on Monday, so watch out!” He walked away, leaving Elliot confused and a little insulted.

“Eyyyy, Safety Vest got his touching conclusion with Milo! That’s so nice,” the handsome time traveler said as the time car pulled up to Elliot’s driveway.

“Don’t be rude, Dakota,” grumbled the older time traveler.

“Yeah, yeah. I was just wondering. Are you free for dinner tonight? Because Cavendish here has an engagement back in our time that he needs to take care of, and I think you’re cute, and I was wondering if you might be interested in a one-and-done type of deal.”

“One-and-done?” Elliot asked.

“We go on one date and whatever happens after it happens, and then, unless we’ve fallen irrevocably in love with each other, we go our separate ways. It’s a no-strings-attached limited-edition offer.”

“A one-night stand, then.” Elliot pursed his lips.

“I mean, I didn’t want to come out and say it, since technically I’m on the job, and Cavendish is right there, but…”

“I’ll take you up on dinner. Whatever happens after that happens.” There was a nagging feeling in Elliot’s stomach that he was making a mistake, but he ignored it. This would be his first romantic encounter that wasn’t held entirely over the internet, unless you counted whatever the hell had been going on between him and Carl Karl in ninth grade, and somehow nobody did seem to count that.

“Great! It’s a date! See you at eight.” The handsome time-traveling man (Dakota?) drove away, leaving Elliot thrilled and terrified at the same time.

~

When Elliot went to bed that night, he had a dream that he was cooking for Gordon Ramsay. He was beyond nervous, but Milo said that he believed in Elliot, and Elliot couldn’t help but believe him. He waited on bated breath as Chef Ramsay took a bite, and then, to Elliot’s surprise, he heard, “This is amazing! Mr. Decker, you have the makings of one of the greatest chefs of the Tri-State Area.” He woke up smiling.


End file.
